Live from my Facility... it is Thursday Afternoon.

I am currently in treatment. I thought it would be therapeutic to blog during treatment. I am in the moment I can sit and do nothing- because it is a lot of nothing. Sitting drinking lots of fluids, having a nurse come in and out, listening to music, talking with friends online, and nothing else really. 

My blood counts today were amazing. My mom is here at treatment with me today and we joked that my counts are my new report card and more important then any grade I've ever received in school. That's another life lesson there. Although I did very well in my summer class and really enjoyed it- so I guess school grades can matter a little bit :)

Lately I have been kinda down. I need to be honest. I have been wishing and hoping for my busy days to return instead of enjoying the moment and the people I am with. Oddly enough, it took me planning my fall semester to realize that I will be doing things again soon enough and that I can't wish my time away and need to cherish the time people are giving me, for even the simplest of things.

Also, I am also starting to lose my hair, it makes me sad but that being said I have a lot of hair. I repeat I have a lot of curly hair so this could be quite a process to lose it all- but still it is hard. It is hard because I am a girl, and girly or not it is part of a feminine identity that will be placed on hold for me. I know it will grow back, I know I will have wigs and hats and scarves and turbans (ha ha). The thing about losing my hair is it is such a real act- it affirms my cancer to people who don't even know me. It makes going places a little harder and being around people who don't know me difficult. 

This has already been such a roller coaster journey- mine even has corkscrews and some serious hang time. I am learning so much everyday about myself and the people who love and care for me that my mind might explode- my blog is a minimal release to praise people who mean so much to me in ways they only know. I don't know what I would do without my parents and brother and sisinlaw- knowing a phone call and a car ride is all it would take for them to be with me is such an amazing comfort at times. Also, Stacy, Bruce, and Ciarra, the three people who know me all too well with what is going on right now, have been amazing constants to have around. I think sometimes it is hard to thank people for unconditional kindness- I am working to be more willing to do this- thank those around me for simply being around me and that being enough. 

 I think this might be the most random post I have made but I feel like I had some things I needed to write. As I sit here, my IV is beeping up a storm to get my nurse to change the poison to a new one and I can't help but know there are only 10 more days of the beeping when I leave here- 10 days then forever to run and skip and sit in the grass and eat vegetables no matter what my counts are and share my story and outlook with the world. I know all will be well, all is well I get to have a few rough days while the poison is strong in my system then a little bit of normalcy. Thank you for checking in on me and all of your prayers...

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee