Another wedding, 8th graders, a cold, and something random...

So I had another wedding to attend at the beginning of January. It was for two of my friends from camp. It was amazing to see camp-folk and just laugh and carry on as usual. The wedding was in Louisiana (the most backwards place in the United States) and was beautiful. 

I began my internship soon after coming home from second, said wedding... let's just say I really do enjoy 8th graders. I am teaching early American History but I seem to be more fascinated with how weird these kids can be. Pause for a moment and think back to when you were in middle school, you were weird to. Bask in the fact that you outgrew it :) I really enjoy the school I am working at as well as my supporting teacher. She has been beyond understanding of my concerns and utter fatigue most days. Unfortunately, this past week, I caught an awful cold (dirty kids pfff...) and was out for two days. I felt so guilty about not being there.

It is hard for me to remember that I need to still focus on my general wellness. I had this great idea in my head that I would bounce back after treatment immediately... not gonna happen. I feel like I am still resting and recovering most of the time while attempting to function at a normal pace. I just have to get into my groove and get the chemicals out of my body forever!!

So, on facebook there has been this chain mail sorta thing going around about 25 random facts about you. I gave in and did it. Enjoy...

1. I don't know where to start this. As with most things, I generally spout of nonsense first and then delete the weird beginning...
2. Before we get too far into this... I am a terrible speller and I don't believe in grammar books. Writing is a form of expression. In my head I write how I would say it. If I want the reader to stop. I put a period. Period. If I kinda want them to think I use the ellipsis... I use too many ellipsis's...
3. I do have a wonderful editing team though, my family always corrects my writing for me. But if they want a good idea... guess who they call?!?!
4. I express myself musically. No, I do not play anything but the radio or my ipod, but little know fact... you can know how I am feeling based on what I am listening to any given day. Seriously.
5. I played competitive soccer for 13 years. It seems so long ago and yet I could walk on a field and play like it was yesterday.
6. I am currently learning to be a better listener. I was told many a time I talk too much... I am practicing hearing more.
7. I have also been told I think too much. I had no rebuttal to this because I would have had to think...
8. I love shoes.
9. I could swim all day. I think being in the water is one of the best feelings in the world. To just float and hear yourself breathe... it is virtually impossible to not feel God around you.
10. Speaking of God, He is good all the time, no matter what, no matter who, no matter when. Bad things happen to good people. Period. Fact of life. God is still there showing each and everyone of us there is a lesson to be learned.
11. I think that 25 is a very large number.
12. I love the theater. I wish more people could appreciate the talent of live performances. Think about it... the #1 fear in the world is public speaking and some people chose to do this with their life... it is amazing! (and I am jealous)
13. I am obsessed with LOST. I think that it is such a creative show and I am happy to know I have hooked others on it!
14. One of my closest friends is a boy. I think that boys and girls can be JUST friends, if that is Gods plan. (Although... When Harry met Sally is a great movie :D)
15. I really like poetry. I think it has something to do with my grammar situation. Anything goes in most poetry... hmmm... I am on to something...
16. My mom and I are notorious sale shoppers. I have many nice things: shoes, purses, dresses, ect. but do not be fooled sales make the world a happy place.
17. I am an alumni member of a sorority. It seems as though this joke writes itself... but I will say some of the girls I have met have incredible stories, determination, courage, and IQs. Don't believe the stereotype... I did and I was proven wrong. 
18. I love camping. I need to go soon... I am getting an itch...
19. I prefer to use a quilt on my bed. I don't really like comforters... there is something weird about them...
20. I would like to skydive one day. BUT I must listen to "Free Bird" before I do it.
21. I have two tattoos, both are hidden and mean a lot to me. One is my sisters name and another is a angel wings in the shape of a heart. I am planning number 3...
22. I want to go to Tuscany some day when all of the sunflowers are in bloom. I would probably just sit and stare in awe at that!
23. I am going to be hiking Yosemite in June. I cannot wait, I have a lot of money to raise and training to do but this has become a major goal for me.
24. I believe people come into our lives for a reason... we take parts of them with us wherever we go. 
25. My family has had some rough life experiences, but we all wake up and put the smiles on our faces and live our lives to the fullest. I think this says a lot about our love, courage and integrity. There is always a deeper story... there is always something more to know about someone. Take nothing at face value. 

Thanks for checking in and I know this was an entirely random post but I was in the updating sorta mood... ALSO, I saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight, I recommend it. Very difficult to watch at times but an amazing story/editing/acting.

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee

I have been away...

I know it has been a long time, again, since I have wrote anything. This time I kept away because I have a lot to say and don't know if even writing it in this blog will help me make sense of it. Right now, I should be working on my "statement of purpose" for graduate school. I don't really know how to answer the question of, what is my purpose, so I write here instead... maybe it will help.

As you know, I finished treatment on Christmas Eve. It was the best day of my life, minus the heparin and saline flushes! I was so overwhelmed with emotion it was unbelievable. Even as I sit here right now writing I cry thinking about that day. I had an early treatment that went flawlessly. Everything was on time, my counts were perfect, my nurse wonderful, and my biggest supporters (mom and dad) were there! We had lunch and went home to celebrate Christmas. I know I have avoided direct references to my personal faith experience on this blog but I must take a moment to acknowledge it...

I attended the children's mass Christmas eve with my family because we figured, the earlier the better for me! While at mass I just cried. It was incredible. I was at peace. Somewhere my heart got lost on this journey and it was such a moving experience to get it back I could hardly make sense of it. Honestly, I sobbed through the whole mass... my mom hardly cried and I did... this is a very rare occurrence for us!! The mass celebration was beautiful, the homily, the children performing imperfectly perfectly, and just remembering that we all came into the world just the same as Jesus and nothing we will be handed is ever as difficult as the fate He was given. It opened my eyes. Now, before you stop reading... this is not about evangelization simply an experience I had. A mere reminder that there is a reason I am here and that God was with me and is with me everyday of my life.

So, after the most tearful experience of my life, I had an amazing surf and turf Christmas dinner with my immediate family. I couldn't say this to them sitting at the dinner table because the water works would have begun again, but all of them being there with me that night was amazing. I know my sister was there too. We ate and laughed and they drank and Adam drank my chocolate milk and we had cheesecake and we opened Christmas gifts and it was good. So I am sure now you are wondering well what did you do on Christmas if you did this all Christmas Eve, which I had renamed "last treatment day celebration". Well, I took three naps and rested and did a lot of nothing in my pajamas all day... the best way to spend Christmas!

A few days after Christmas and treatment I was off and on my way to Virginia for my college roommate, Stephanie's wedding! She married her college sweetheart and great man, Richard on December 30, and I was lucky enough to be apart of it. I had a great time at the wedding and being in Virginia and running around and getting all dressed up! I will admit it was exhausting, a good number of the people there knew my story and could not believe how with it and healthy I seemed. I can admit now, I am a pretty good faker. I am sorry to admit that but must come clean. A lot of the time I was exhausted but I have taken on the attitude to sleep when I am dead, and so I did my best!

I was able to stick around Virginia with the newly-weds for New Years. I joined them and their families for dinner at a very nice restaurant in Alexandria and went on the main street there to shout Happy New Year at passerby's. I am happy it is 2009. It came so fast. I am happy to stop living my life from Thursday to Thursday!

I got back home from Virginia in one piece and needed time to rest! So I did that. I slept a bunch and recovered and got myself ready to head back to Orlando. I did take a wonderful time out to go to St. Augustine with my Nagymama (grandma) and tour the city. I had been once when I was really little so I didn't remember it, we had a great time. We were able to go to Saturday mass at the oldest Catholic Church in the United States. My Nagymama was in awe, the Bishop said the mass and we remembered my sister, Andrea, who passed 12 years ago that day.

So I came back to Orlando, all in one exhausted piece as I prepare for my next adventure. I leave on Thursday for another wedding but this time in Louisiana. Two friends of mine from camp, Josh and Elaine are getting married on Friday! Unfortunately, this trip will be much shorter then my Virginia visit because... drum roll please... I start my final internship on MONDAY!! I cannot wait!!!

All of these things I am now able to write about seemed like they would never come. I remember early on setting my sights on New Years and now that it has come and passed I have new goals. I have a new attitude. I have a new chance at living. Over the past few months someone asked me to explain how the experience was making me feel. To share with them a look inside of my reality. For those of you who know me well, you know that the music I listen to is really key to understanding what I am thinking/feeling/experiencing/going through. So... I put together a mini playlist for you- for a glimpse into my past seven months... 

Viva la Vida By: Coldplay- This was the first song I listened to after I was diagnosed. I knew I would triumph over this. That is how this song made me feel.

Round Here By: Counting Crows- There is something eerie about this song that I like. I could relate to this early on.

More Time by NeedtoBreathe- At first, I just wanted more time to explain myself to understand what was going on with me to understand me but everything came at me so fast.

Slow Me Down By Emmy Rossum- Once the ball began rolling with appointments and tests and bad news I felt like it did not stop for a while. I played this song full blast most days just to escape my head.

Stop This Train By: John Mayer- I think we can all say we wanted to stop “this” train and get off somewhere else. For me, anywhere would have been fine most days going through treatment.

Unwell By: Matchbox 20- Embarrassingly enough, the words to this song should have spoken on my behalf about halfway through treatment.

The World Spins Madly On By: The Weepies- I hit rock bottom. All I could think is the world is just spinning. That is all that was worth thinking about.

Stay or Leave By Dave Matthews Band- I was at the bottom and I was brining others down with me. So I let them go. This song is beautiful. This song hurts because it is the truth. It makes me cry.

Another Me By Sister Hazel- I hurt for a good while, from treatment from confusion from not feeling well and then it clicked... I have to get my crap together and so I did. I found another me. A new and improved me... I like this me :) *not on playlist*

Float On By Modest Mouse- Towards the end I stopped resisting everything and swimming against the current so to speak and just started to let my life be lived. Good. Bad. Otherwise. In a way, I stopped thinking and started living again.

I made a playlist so you can listen to these songs if you would like. Word of warning to the faint of heart, some of these songs are not happy. I will be honest, I went with the most PC songs I could off of my list of about fifty... Enjoy...

• Got to www.seeqpod.com
  
• Login: ashdee@blog.com
• Password: ashdee123
• Click on the drop down box under the volume control
• Click "Blog Playlist"
• Click on the first song and enjoy!

Thank you for checking in... I will write again soon but next time about my students and after treatment progress!! I hope you have a wonderful New Year!!

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee