And a little bit longer...

I was suppose to hear news today in regards to my exact diagnosis as well as another start day for treatments... I heard nothing! I have to wait until Thursday to hopefully find more information out.

Everyone keeps asking me how I felt when I didn't begin treatment last Thursday and my answer is the same as my response to the news today, I feel let down. I know this is all happening in its own time and for good reason but I'm ready to start already!

I have done some reading these past few days on cancer awareness message boards and caregiver journals and I am trying to get in touch with how everyone around me is feeling. I know the anxious knot in my stomach is matched by many and that we are all trying our best to remain positive. I think from what I read, the most useful bit of knowledge I gained that I would like to pass on is that positivity is key but is not always easy or what is necessary in the moment. 

I owe a lot of my personal happiness and optimism, right now, to my parents and to close friends. I know I am inconsistent in my day to day emotions, but constant understanding and patience has truly been a blessing and a welcome relief for me. 

I feel as the days go by with no clear answers tension is building around me. I am not concerned with the lack of results because I am very aware of the precautions that need to be taken. I am more or less bored with the waiting process. I have never been one for surprises, the idea of them makes me overly anxious... flash back to my eighteenth birthday party... ha ha ha! 

Thank you for checking in with my blog and I hope to have better news for you soon. I hope you have a great week and thank you for all of the positive energy and prayers...

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee

So we wait a little longer...

I will start by saying, I did NOT start my chemo treatments today. I am kind of disappointed in this, but there are legitimate reasons and I have all the faith in the world in my doctor. 

All of the tests I have been having over the past few weeks came back with very good results. My PET/CT Scan showed that I have cancer in two areas, first my neck as we knew about along with my upper chest. This has given me the official staging of 2A hodgkin's Disease. That being said and the reason I did not begin my chemo today is- what if the initial report is wrong and it is not hodgkin's... they have submitted my lab work and tissue samples for a second opinion. I am happy that my doctor decided to do this mostly because if it is another type of cancer cell the treatment will be adjusted and I would have wasted a week in chemo.

My doctor explained that the beauty in early detection and being very very healthy is we do have time on our side! He said his major concern between now and when I actually start my treatment is my breathing (embarrassingly enough, I get winded from the stairs now so please be patient with me). He said if things change or get worse with that then I will need to see him but once this is all over, he will have me working with a trainer for a triathlon- the idea of that makes me so happy! 

At my appointment today I also was told I would be doing 6 cycles of chemo- that translates to 12 actual treatments- 1 every other week for 5-ish months. That number intimidates me but I realize in the grand scheme of life, it is a very very short amount of time when comparing it to a life time of survival. Knowing it will be 6 months worth of treatment, I have loads to consider and lots of fun times to plan! Being all clear of this just may be the best Christmas present I will ever get in my life... seriously!

In other news, they removed the bandage covering my port-a-cath and it looks beautiful, if you can say that about an incision and an implant! ha ha! They said the surgeon did an amazing job and I have very very limited scaring. I need to just work on some arm movements to prevent too much scar tissue from building up. I am happy I can finally see it, strange having something in your body for a whole week and not knowing what it looks like or how it should feel!

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for prayers, positive energy, well wishes everything you have been doing for me! I just need to remember 6 months and this bad dream will all be over and I can return to my hectically scheduled life! I will post back as soon as I know the diagnosis and my NEW chemo start date...

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee

Things I have found!!

I was sent the link to two amazing websites tonight! The first is a site is to raise awareness and provide support for young adults who are surviving cancer. The second is a petition site to pass a young adults with cancer bill of rights. This site has an amazing video on it... the video really spoke to me (saying that at the risk of sounding really cheesy). 

If you'd like check the sites out:

i2k.com

seventyk.org (sign the petition!!)

I am antsy about starting treatment tomorrow but will post and let you know about the experience asap! I hope your having a good week...

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee

Now embarking Port Ashlee....

All aboard... now that I am officially with a port! ha ha!! I hope all is well with you and you have fun plans for this weekend... I'm going to the Tiffany glass museum in Winter Park with a friend and plan to read and pool with my roommate on Sunday! 

On Wednesday, I had my first PET/CT scan of my life... I am told there will be many many many more of these to come. These tests will determine my staging and if the mass has grown once treatment begins. It wasn't too bad, the worst part was this milky looking berry flavored drink that helped add contrast to my abdomen. I suppose I should get use to this, I joked I was going to bring a fun glass and a little umbrella for it to pretend I'm on the beach sipping Pina Coladas! I figure anything to pass my time there in a fun way :) The scans went well, they said they were able to get good reads on me aka I laid still for all of the pictures! I will know the results of these on Thursday before my chemo starts.

I am so thankful my surgery is OVER!! I was nervous before I went in and I think I talked my moms ear off before they gave me my relaxing medicine- but I'm thankful they could offer that. I do not remember anything about my surgery, I think it is so fascinating how something so invasive was being performed and it was as if my mind was in another room. The only think I vaguely remember happening was the nurse removing the oxygen from my nose once the operation was done. I am only in a little pain but I am very protective of the right side of my body so don't get too close...or else...ha ha!!

I was able to reschedule my scan that was suppose to be today to Monday, to give my body a little bit of a break. After this week, I am not worried about what they will do to me... I mean common I was radioactive, I had two IVs, I was cut me open and stitched up, I have an implant, and I am pretty sure weeks to come will be a cake walk in comparison to all of that. 

The down side to my week is I am absolutely exhausted. I am struggling to sleep through the night but I think it is my thoughts wandering that is getting the best of me. Anyhow when I wake up I am productive to tire myself out and then finish my nights sleep. Otherwise, I feel well just a little sore on my shoulder where my Port is and am ready for Thursday to be hear so I can start the fight!!

Thank you for prayers, positive thoughts, and kind words...I feel them in ways I never imagined I could and I am so grateful for all of the support! Have a great weekend...

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee 

So it begins...

Hi all!! Sorry it has been a little bit since my last post, I went home to Coral Springs for the weekend and decided to give myself a little blog-less time!

I had a good time at home... On Friday night I cut my hair short- think Ashley Judd in the 90s- ha ha. I promise, I will post pictures as soon as I can have someone take them. It has taken a little getting use to but it isn't so bad. I just think the reason it has taken me longer then expected to get use to it was my reasoning for cutting it- but as a friend reminded me, it could be all gone soon so what's the big deal! Continuing on the hair front, I went Saturday morning and was fitted for my wigs! They are fun, one of them looks just like me hair color and everything- it was kind of eerie actually. My second wig, my fun wig, is just that fun and different and a long auburn color- i plan to go incognito in this one! Saturday afternoon I had dinner with family friends and Saturday night I went for ice cream with girls from high school. Sunday was family day (and fathers day- happy belated fathers day to the dads) and then I flew back to Orlando.

I have been very emotional the past few days, but I think it is all under control now- ha ha. Sometimes, going home is the best thing in the world and sometimes it turns me into a sappy girl. Either way I had a very enjoyable weekend and thank those people who have put up with my high low, low high attitude lately. I guess I am trying to figure out where I fit into the big picture right now, I have a hunch but we will see where life takes me. I was able to get some good sleep last night and I am feeling more myself today.

Yesterday I met with my radiologist who will be putting my port-a-cath in me on Thursday. He explained the procedure and made sure I was comfortable with what I was hearing... I told him the only thing that made me uncomfortable with what I was hearing is the concept of the device- its just sort of a painful awkward place (just below the collar bone)- he said he understood but in the end it is necessary and worth it. The good news is that I will be able to come home on Thursday night!! Text message me on Thursday if you want to get ahold of me, I will be in the hospital for most of the day and my phone will probably drop calls like crazy!

Today is a lazy day, doing homework and cleaning house! I am on a restricted diet for my scans tomorrow so eat some sugar and carbs for me- ha ha. It is weird that I can now tell people I start chemo a week from Thursday, but I've grown very happy that it is so soon. Thank you for your continued kind words and prayers and I will let you know how life is with a port after Thursday. I will also post a slide show of pictures with my hair asap! Have a great week...

Thankfully Yours,
Ashlee

I got the call...

I got the call yesterday, my first Chemo treatment will be on June 26! This is defiantly earlier then I expected and I don't know how I feel about it. Everything is going so fast right now I don't really have the time to process everything. I am not sure how many treatments I will be having or how often I will be having them I just know the start date...

I am feeling well today, as always, although with this date for Chemo I am sure the not so wonderful days are fast approaching. I've had a few not so great emotional days this week, just trying to grasp all of the scheduling and organizing of my life. I know I cannot expect to be rock solid through this whole experience, I just wish I could anticipate the not so great days and hide inside all day- ha ha!

I'm heading home to Coral Springs for the weekend and I'm sure I will have fun stories to post once I get back! Thank you for your kind words, prayers, and funny posts I truly do look forward to them...

Thankfully Yours,
Ashlee

Addendum: I would like to give credit for the phrase "pre game warm-up" to Bruce, that was all him...and now I'm ready to let the games begin!!!

Today was my "pregame warm-up"

Hello all!!! I am so relieved after my appointment today! I was able to meet with my oncologist, Dr. H today and he was absolutely wonderful! He told me I looked very healthy and that we should be getting through this in no time.

Everyone at the facility (my brother laughs that I call it "the facility" I say it is because it isn't really like a hospital- it is just MD Anderson, my treatment facility) today was very positive and upbeat at 8am, I wonder if I will ever get use to waking up that early all the time?! The woman who took my blood told me I was going to be on America's Next Top Model after they let me outta this joint- I couldn't help but laugh and admire her ability to work with some very sick people everyday with a smile on her face- I gain strength from people like her!

Unfortunately, the good comes with a little bad, but only for me... I have to have 4 tests done next week and have a port-a-cath put in me :( It is funny because all of the tests have different rules and regulations for me to follow, things I can't eat, what I need to wear, what I can't wear the lists just go on... I suppose if that is the most discouraging part, I can handle it. I have some plans that I am looking forward to in the upcoming weeks so I am going to remain focused on those to get over the anxiety of these tests.

...And to answer the million dollar question that everyone wants to know- ha ha- yes, I will be having chemotherapy. I have not scheduled the official start date yet (they will call me sometime this week to do so) but I will begin roughly the first week of July. I will be sure to post and let you know when I know more then that!

Thank you for your continued kind words and prayers- if you want to leave me a comment you just have to click the little link next to the date I posted this, under my salutation :) A few people were asking how to do that! I will be sure to write again soon and am ready to get this show on the road (and over with)...

Thankfully Yours,
Ashlee

Coincidence?!

God has this funny way of making paths cross at the most influential times. I am currently in one summer course (online), The History of the U.S. Space Program (it is awesome) and my professor is a Hodgkin's disease survivor. I emailed her to let her know what my situation is and that I plan to stick it out to keep me busy. She promptly responded telling me she was a survivor and understands where I am at right this very moment. It was such a relief because all things considered, I didn't really want to stick this semester out but have no doubts that I am suppose to now.

In other school news, I won't be graduating this December. I will be a true five year college student- and plan to make the most of it. I can say that my overachiever attitude is kind of down about this but I need to take it easy for a little bit. Besides, everyone complains about getting out of college so I'll live it up a little longer :)

I'm feeling good today, just a little emotional. That is to be expected though. I am ready for my appointment on Tuesday. I am ready for answers and a course of action. I am ready to take this on and to be another success story.

Yours,
Ashlee

Where do I begin...

Welcome to my blog!! I am so happy you have stopped by, I plan on updating this pretty regularly so add it to your favorites and check it when your bored at work (I won't tell). First things first, spelling is not my forte... I know there is spell check on this but sometimes I forget to use it. That being said, please feel free to edit me in your head :)

Now, on to the good stuff...
I am feeling very well today. That is the funny thing, I feel just fine- today, yesterday, three days ago- I feel great! I guess that is the thing with cancer, it is so silent inside your body and you remain virtually painless until treatment begins (or so I am told).

I had the pleasure of visiting the facility that I will be using for this adventure, MD Anderson in Orlando. I have decided to stay here and recieve treatment and after visiting this facility, I have no doubts that we made the right decision. It is unbelievable how upbeat and positive everyone was when I went to schdule my first appointment. I will be meeting with my oncologist on Tuesday the 10th for the first time, I am a little apprehensive but this isn't a doctor everyone gets to meet in their life time so I guess that is to be expected.

After the 10th I will have more information, in terms of the staging of the cancer and what type of treatment I will be going through. I know everything is going to be just fine. I have no doubts that this is a bump in the road for me and that I will overcome anything that is handed my way.

Thank you for your continuing words of encoragement and prayers...

Thankfully Yours,
Ashlee