Good news, life thoughts, and some thank yous...

First things first... I had a doctors appointment last week and my scan from the end of September came back clean! So, what does this mean?! This means that I am in remission! This means that as of this very second as I type, I am cancer-less. This means that I still have 5 more chemotherapy treatments just to be sure that we got every last little cell out of me. This means that I am a survivor. This means that everything is going to be just fine :)

I am going to breeze over the reality that I have 5 more treatments, mostly because I don't like treatment very much. I mean you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who enjoys it- but if you do know such a person please give them my email address I have some questions for them! I will be finishing treatment just around Christmas and its the best gift I could hope for!

So, over the course of treatment my emotions and personality and self esteem have done some crazy things. I think this is why I dislike treatment so much- it has made an emotional unpredictable 23 year old question everything and become more emotional and unpredictable if that is even possible! It plays such a mind game with you that most days when the world is just fine as is, I am thinking people are upset with me, out the get me, or at the worst I am out to get them... This is a truly unique experience. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. I have been forced to admit that sometimes I just don't feel good and can't shrug it off. I have been forced to see the world in a very raw way. I have chosen to have a poor attitude somedays (like it or now) because I am jealous of people who are healthy and busy. I have realized that when my treatment is over, I can reclaim myself and appreciate things as never before. I know that everything will be just fine.

I have done a lot of soul searching recently. I am not one hundred percent sure where this has got me but I have realized a good few things. Most importantly, I have realized that some people are strongholds in your life, that some people are just unconditional. I guess getting the C only affirmed my loyalties in life and has strengthened the bond with my family. I also realized that I was walking around taking myself to seriously. Well, a friend told me that, but I now believe him. I had been taking myself to seriously... before this all happened I was the girl who notoriously said if you can't laugh at yourself you have no right to laugh at anyone else. I think because cancer is a serious thing I forgot that laughing is ok... I know this is very backwards but I suppose putting this out there helps me to be accountable- remind me to laugh at the ridiculous things I do... please... :)

So, life is good. I am on my way to a healthy recovery and years and years of remission! I am very very very thankful for all of the Birthday wishes I received last week. It was defiantly a major spirits booster when I was feeling anxious about my doctors appointment. Also, thank you for the constant thinking of you cards and emails and phone calls and texts. As always... thank you for checking in on me, it means a lot to know that people do care in spite of my crazy moods!lol  Thank you, Happy Halloween, and oh yea I went to the World Series Game 1 :D

Thankfully Yours,

Ashlee